Obligations

One of the things that I'm very proud of is that in our culture we, for the most part, take care of our elders. One of the people who most embodies this philosophy is my own father.

My grandmother passed away in 1987 and at that time my father invited his dad (my grandfather) to come to the United States to live with us. Over the course of 27 years, my father did a great deal for my grandfather to live comfortably in this country. When my grandfather passed away it was actually right around the same time as some other very important events, so it was a super stressful time.

My dad's best friend from college had come to visit us at the same time that all this was happening. While my dad was kind of stunned and taken aback by the whole situation, I will not ever forget what my dad's friend and his wife said to him. They said he was like - even more caring than - Shravan Kumar for his father. Sadly at the time I vaguely remembered the story but re-read and was profoundly moved:

"One day his parents told him that they had become quite aged. They, therefore, wanted him to take them to the forty places of pilgrimage, it is a typical Hindu belief that a pilgrimage to the various shrines and holy places undertaken in old age, purifies the soul.

According to the legend in Ramayana while hunting in the forest of Ayodhya, King Dashratha heard a sound near a lake and unleashed an arrow, hoping to hit an animal.In those days means of transport were scarce and costly, and Shravan Kumar could not afford it. He, therefore, decided to place his parents in two baskets and carry the baskets on his shoulder to the various places of pilgrimage. He took a strong bamboo stick, at its two ends he tied the two baskets with strong ropes, and placed his father in one of the baskets and his mother in the other. Carrying on his shoulder this bamboo stick with a basket at either end, Shravan started on the pilgrimage.

When he crossed the lake to collect his kill, he found that his arrow had struck a boy who was bleeding.The boy, Shravan Kumar, told Dasaratha, that he had come to the lake to collect water for his sick and aged parents, who were both blind and who he had been carrying on a sling.He requested the king to take water to his parents. After telling his tale, Shravan succumbed to his wounds and when the king took water for his parents and told them of his tragic mistake, they were unable to bear the shock."

My father had provided anything that he could for his own father. Whether it was needing to own a car, going places, trips to India or sending gifts to family my father was always ready to listen. My father always gave respect and carried himself with a sense of obeisance and deep respect for his dad, the eldest of 11 siblings and oldest out of all his cousins. 

In my grandfather's later years he needed a lot more care due to his dementia. My dad, in his 60s himself, had adjusted his work schedule so that he would be able to take more days off per pay period and he would take my grandfather to every doctor appointment he needed without fail. My dad made sure that he would shave, he would bathe and he would do any hygiene related things for my grandfather. When I see the deep reference that my father had for our family I feel the same sense of pride and obligation.